Com 101 Paper

Michael Laing

Gender Communication

There are many different stands that one can take on gender communication differences.  Some people think that male and females are very similar to each other in gender communication whereas others think it is the exact opposite and that males and females are taught two completely separate ways of communication.  Another stand on this issue is that gender differences are examples of sexism and the males are portrayed as the leaders, and females are portrayed as weak (Lackoff).  I agree with Deborah Tannen’s take on gender communication, which is that men and women are taught two different styles of communication and even though they are different we have learned to live with it.
         Deborah Tannen’s metaphor for gender communication is that men are like people from Brazil, and women are like people from Italy.  I like Dr. Desantis’ metaphor better though in that men are like basketball players and women are like soccer players.  The metaphor is best described as having two genders that are used to one set of rules.  For instance the men follow rules of basketball where you use your hands to dribble down court and are unable to kick the ball anywhere.  Women follow the rules of soccer where you can’t touch the ball with your hands and your can only use your head or feet to hit the ball.  This thing is that both men and women are playing by their own rules but to the opposite sex it is considered to be wrong.  If you were to touch the soccer ball with your hands as a male, the females would get upset and tell you that you are playing by the wrong set of rules.  The same goes for if you are a women who is playing basketball and you decide to kick the ball to a teammate. 

One example that Tannen gives is that men are externally status driven and females are internally support oriented.  This means that females are most focused on internal feelings and being nurturing and supportive to people in order to connect with people.  Males on the other hand are concerned with the external world and are concerned with how they look to others by their image or rank.  In other words men are opposite from women and want to disconnect.  I think this is true because men always want to be more dominant than the next male that walks by.  Men are given confidence if they are a higher rank than somebody or if they think that they are more attractive than somebody else.  Males are constantly comparing themselves to each other to see if they are satisfied with themselves.  On the other hand, women are always trying to connect with one another about issues surrounding their lives.  Women always want understanding and nurturing from each other, and they will most likely give understanding and nurturing back to somebody else.

Women always want understanding and men always want advice, and this is why men are taught to fix things and women who are faced with problems want the other to understand how they are feeling.  Tannen brings up another good point here and that women just want men to listen to them and be emotionally supportive.  This is true for the most part because in relationships when the female has a problem and is talking to the male about it, all that she wants is for understanding of the situation.  Tannen says that men fix things and this is true for the most part.  Tannen thinks that when men are angry or distraught about something they will focus on a task to avoid emotional involvement.  I agree with this 100% because sometimes when I am angry about

something I will try my hardest not to think about it and focus on another task such as playing a video game or cleaning up my dorm room.
         Tannen also says that to men, conflict is acceptable and to women, conflict is negative.  She says that women get more uncomfortable over conflicts and  that men somewhat enjoy it.  To men if you are pushed around and you don’t fight back you are considered to be a wimp, whereas to women when a conflict occurs they tend to be less confrontational and try to avoid it because it will disrupt relationships.  I agree with this because to show how masculine you are as a male you are not going to put up with anybody’s crap and are not going to let people tell you what to do, because if you do you are not as masculine.  Females will avoid confrontation because they don’t want to break bonds that they have in relationships.

Some people may have a false sense of male superiority and female inferiority in the culture that we live in today, but for the most part I believe that both men and women do not have a false sense on superiority and inferiority.  Although many times males are given more attention in the media (sports) I think that both sexes are content with how they are portrayed.  Sometimes it is as if we are getting brainwashed to think certain things about sexes but for the most part we have just learned through the years to accept it.  The way to prevent having a false sense of male superiority and female inferiority is to continue to realize that all humans are equal and although there are different ways of communication by the sexes, neither is correct, and neither is incorrect.  We are not all doomed to be sexist if we all continue the way we have been brought up.  The way that our culture has brought us up is that males and females are equal and if we continue to think this then there will be no reason for us to be doomed to be sexist.